So often we hear in bible studies that there is no other topic in the Bible mentioned more often than fear. “Fear not for I am with you”, “I have commanded you, be strong and courageous”.
In 2. Tim 1:7 Paul states that “we have not been given a spirit of fear but of power and of love and a sound mind”. I have read this verse often already, but today the part about the sound mind got to me.
Cause that’s what fear covers … the ability to see the reality clearly. When the wave of fear comes rushing over us, we easily forget the truths we once knew. We see a distorted reality. In our minds the odds change, things that we have experienced in the past are forgotten … after all this time it could be different.
In my life fear has always played a big role. During the four years of studying pharmacy fear was my constant companion. She brought along her brother panic and they’ve shaken up my life pretty badly.
I lost the ability to see straight … I lost my sound mind. Cause even though after some time it turned out that I was able to pass the tests, that I adjusted to the busy schedule and that I came thru all the lab tests and experiments, I still couldn’t get rid of the two.
Reality was so far away. And now some years later I still remember the feeling in my stomach when I woke up in the mornings … I only called it “the panic”. It was sitting where my stomach was supposed to be. Keeping me in bed and making getting up and facing the day a very hard task. I had no choice though, so I dragged my unwelcomed companion along with me the thru day. Rarely was there a day I was able to leave it behind. So how come I lived with the spirit of fear instead of a sound mind? Maybe because we get so entangled in fear, it’s like a rope tied tightly around our ankle pulling us deeper and deeper into the darkness. And after some time it is so familiar, so we forget that this is not the life God planned for us! He has given us a spirit of power and of love and a sound mind.
And He wants to set us free! Fear evolves when we think we have to do it on our own … or we think we can do it on our own. I think the spirit of independence might be a relative of the spirit of fear.
But once I realised where this spirit has lead me, that I am bound by it, finally long after my exams were passed, I was able to surrender to Him. Accept thankfully that He has it all under control. He makes me brave because He knows what’s coming! He challenges me just a bit over my current abilities in order to make be stronger and wiser.